[This is a work of fiction, written for fun and not for profit. All DC Comics-related characters are copyrighted by DC Comics; all rights reserved and no permission was granted to use them. This work may not be reprinted without the written consent of the author and must include this disclaimer.]
OCEANS APART
How does one put into words what someone else meant to them?
How do you explain the loss you feel when someone you have loved so deeply, so richly and so unconditionally suddenly isn’t there anymore?
How do you explain the way that person made you feel, the way she looked into your eyes and dissolved all fear and doubt and filled you with something that was so stunning, so rich and full that you scarcely needed anything else?
How do I explain all of that in words?
How do I tell you what her loss meant to me and how it turned my life upside down and inside out?
Where do I start?
Elizabeth B. Browning wrote:
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee with a love I seem to lose
With my lost Saints, -I love thee with the Breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life -If God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
I had never met anyone who made me feel the way that Tula did; before she came into my life I was virtually alone in a world of people. I had Arthur, but he was like a brother to me, but a boy needs companionship and to see and be around others his own age. That is where the Teen Titans came in; I was a founding member. My name was Aqualad; I liked that name as much as Arthur liked Aquaman, which is to say not at all. Like his name, the surface dwellers and their news reporters hanged mine on me. I would have preferred to be called Garth.
But I got Aqualad instead.
My life wasn’t easy…I guess that no ones ever is. The Titans made it a little easier for me, though I can’t say that I ever really felt as though I was one of them. Don’t get me wrong---we are all friends, but let's be honest here: Dick and Wally were best friends pretty much from the beginning, Donna and Roy dated one another, and they all shared one thing I could never really share in: their lives.
I couldn’t stay out of water for more than an hour at a time and I was always having to duck out on any fun to rehydrate myself. As a result, I never got to have the fun that they did. I never went to the dances or hung out at the clubs or did any of the socializing they did with one another.
I was pretty much alone except for Arthur, who made it abundantly clear that he wasn’t fit to be a father figure to me and didn’t see me as his son in any form or fashion. His wife Mera was the same way.
It was just after Arthur managed to reclaim the throne of Atlantis that my life changed for the better.
I had helped Arthur reclaim his throne and didn’t really feel as though I had received my lion's share of the credit. I was moping about it when this vision of beauty approached me and not only showered me with praise but told me how much she liked me.
There I was: fourteen years old and alone, and along came Tula, the first girl who had ever talked to me like I was normal. She was unafraid of my purple eyes and what they meant in Poseidonian society. I'd like to say it was LOVE at first sight, but at fourteen I had no real concept of what love was or how Tula made me feel, so I treated her like I treated Wonder Girl.
And something strange happened…
Tula’s resolve was strengthened by this and she chased me that much harder. I’ll be honest…I didn’t know how to deal with it. I had no experience with dating girls since the only real girls I had ever known were Donna, her roommate Sharon Tracy and Lilith.
I was clueless as to what to do and so I treated Tula like a friend or a buddy.
About this time Arthur got the bright idea to send me off to Scotland for education; to be honest with you I'm not sure why he did this. Logic would seem to dictate that if I had to rehydrate myself every hour, an Atlantean school would be better for me to learn both about the culture and to be amongst my own kind.
But Arthur sent me off to Scotland and I was separated from Tula.
Someone wrote that absence makes the heart grow fonder…
It’s true, because quite some time passed before I saw Tula again; it was as if I had last seen her not a day before. The look she gave me when she saw me and that smile of hers melted my heart, and I knew then what she had figured out sometime before: Tula was in love with me. It was no mere infatuation, and when I saw her smile at me and realized that I was the reason for her smile, my love for her deepened and strengthened in a way that could never be broken.
From that day, we were inseparable.
She took the name Aquagirl and began adventuring with the Titans and me, but soon that changed.
I loved the Titans and they were my friends but I wanted to spend more time with Tula and she with me…but away from them. Don’t get me wrong: it wasn’t that she tried to keep me from the Titans; we just wanted to spend more time alone...together.
I'm sure they understood, as they didn’t seem to question my leaving too much.
I can't tell you how many hours we spent just looking into each others eyes. Her eyes were this indescribable blue, a shade that neither the clearest skies nor the deepest oceans could touch. I had never seen anything like them before or since.
Tula’s smile touched my heart in ways that I can’t even begin to describe; it removed all doubt and dispelled all fear. She made me realize what I had missed so much in life. Tula was the one shining example of love in my lifetime of being used as a punching bag by others.
I remember waking up the morning with her in my arms after we had expressed our love for each other, feeling her warm, soft skin pressed to mine. Her fingers curled up and her nails dug softly into my chest, her head resting on my shoulder. I watched her sleep for sometime before she woke up, and I thought about all that was yet to come for us:
Marriage…
Children…
Old age…
So much more.
I wanted that moment to last forever. I wanted to live in that moment for the rest of my life, staying there where it was safe, with her in my arms and never letting go of her.
I wish I could go back to that moment…I wish I could stretch it out to make it last forever and relive it over and over again.
But I can't.
And so we come to the most difficult thing I have ever had to write about.
It was a time of great conflict---an epic battle for life.
The Crisis was well under way. I won’t bore you with the details…you probably know as much as I do about the Crisis. But in the middle of it all there was a mindless creature named Chemo; he was spewing out toxic chemicals and acids into the New York harbor while Tula and I dealt with Black Manta and Killer Shark.
I had just managed to get some eels to attack and wrap themselves around Black Manta when I realized that Killer Shark was choking Tula. I had just punched out Manta and turned back to go help Tula when I saw Killer Shark take off suddenly.
It was then that I realized that Tula was caught in the middle of the toxic garbage that had been sprayed above us. I don’t remember moving from the spot at which I had been floating or getting her away from the chemicals. The next thing I remember was heading back to Atlantis, praying to our gods that she would make it and thinking how life wasn’t fair, how we didn’t have enough time together and how she wouldn’t make it.
We arrived soon enough in Poseidonis...and then the waiting began.
I'm sure if you have ever had a loved one who was hurt and taken to the hospital, you’ll know what the waiting is like. You watch everything, trying to figure out what the hell is going on and you question everyone who bares any resemblance whatsoever to anyone with medical training. Seconds stretch into minutes and minutes into hours and hours into an eternity, as your fears, which are bad to begin with, magnify and grow exponentially, until suddenly you are gripped with the fear that perhaps, just perhaps, you’ll never see that loved one again.
Never be able to look into their eyes and know they love you.
Never be able to watch them sleep in your arms.
Never be able to tell them all the things that you wanted to tell them but somehow never had to the chance to say.
Never be able to say "I love you" one last time.
Never be able to steal one last kiss.
I never got to do any of those things before Tula died.
I broke down and wept, unable to face the truth and the enormity of what had just happen to her. I couldn’t look at Mera as she tried to comfort me.
If our love was immeasurable by any means known, then my grief was more so.
Robert Burns wrote:
To see her is to love her,
And love but her forever;
For nature made her what she is,
And never made Anither.
I grieved for her for so long and tried to hold on to the memories of us together, desperately not wanting to let go of this tender, gentle love that I had felt and that had strengthened me. My behavior became destructive and I found myself on the verge of suicide, largely because of the revelation that I wouldn’t be with her again until I, too, am dead.
I took risks that I never would have taken otherwise and nearly got myself killed more then once. It took a while for me to realize that Tula would have wanted me to go on living; she certainly wouldn’t have wanted me to hurt myself to be with her.
Tula would have wanted me to be happy.
These are words I write for no one but myself. This is my way of putting the past in the past and letting Tula know that I will never---not ever---forget her or what she meant to me.
Soon enough, I'm going to be married to a young lady who makes me feel like Tula did, and soon thereafter we will have a family together when our baby is born.
And maybe if it’s a girl I’ll name her Tula.
The End